I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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