I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
