Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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