CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
