My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
