This girl is more easily done than said...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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