Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
