I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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