Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
