I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
