Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
