Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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