I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
