omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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