He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Found the puke drawer
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.