I haven't been this sober since birth.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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