I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
I just wanna be euthanized