Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dating After Heartbreak
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
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FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!