I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...