i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!