I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
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She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
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Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements