Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.