I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize