It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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