9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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