I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
