I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
