I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
