You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
