Your tits are I can't wait for
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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