You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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