would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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