Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
