break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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