Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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