is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
