im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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