I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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