i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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