Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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