you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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