Are we in a gay sports bar?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
