I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
