i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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