you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
