she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
