Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
