I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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