i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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