I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
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he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
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You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.