I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
this just has baby written all over it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I spit up blood this morning
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask