happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just had sex on a roof
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
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