I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
