what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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