haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i believe in u and ur pee
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