My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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