You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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