i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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