he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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