It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
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the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
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It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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