I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
