Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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