My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
