tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
