so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize